REALITY CHECK: Reports say that stress is mounting in our children, that we parents are often unaware of just how stressed our kids are. Each child handles and shows stress differently. A big key is learning to recognize our own child’s unique signs and then teach healthy ways to manage stress. The research that confirms children stress is mounting, how it affects our kids, and signs to help you know how your child may respond to stress.

Stress: A “Top Teen Health Concern”

The American Psychological Association (APA) released troubling survey results about our kids. The “Stress in America” surveyed 1206 young people ages eight to seventeen as well as 1568 adults. It was conducted this summer by Harris Interactive. The report, building on past research, revealed that stress is a top health concern for American teens between 9th and 12th grade. Among key findings: Parents underestimate the extent of their kids’ stress. Translation: Our kids are much more stressed than we think.

31% of parents say their child has little or no stress vs. 9% of kids report little or no stress
Tweens (30 percent) and teens (42 percent) say they get headaches vs. 13 percent of parents
Tweens (39 percent) and teens (49 percent) cite difficulty sleeping vs. 13 percent of parents
Tweens (27 percent) and teens (39 percent) report eating too much or too little vs. 8 percent of parents

What’s more, tweens and teens were far more likely than their parents to report that their stress levels had increased in the last year.

Nearly half of all teens (ages 13 to 17) said they were more worried than last year, while only 28% of their parents thought their adolescent’s stress had increased.

What else is causing our kids to be so stressed? Here is what they say:

• 44% of young people say doing well in school was a source of stress
• 30% of young people worry about their family having enough money
• 29% of teens say they worry about getting into a good college or deciding what to do after high school
• 22% of tweens worry about getting along with friends

Psychologists also say that if teens don’t learn healthy ways to manage their stress now, it could have serious long-term health implications. Research finds that between 8 and 10 percent of American children and teens are seriously troubled by stress symptoms. And stress is also hitting our children at younger ages. If left untreated stress not only affects children’s friendships as well as school success, but also their physical and emotional well-being. Chronic stress symptoms break down children’s immune system as well as increasing their likelihood for depression.

So the key question is: Do you know your child’s stress signs? Only then will you know when to help him reduce that stress.

Signs of Stress to Look for in Kids and Teens

Each kid responds differently, but the key is to identify your child’s physical behavioral or emotions signs before he is on overload. A clue is to look for behaviors that are not typical for your child “normal.” Here are a few of the most common stress signs. Is your child displaying any of these symptoms? What else? Could it be stress related?

Physical Stress Signs

• Headache, neck aches and backaches
• Nausea, diarrhea, constipation, stomachache, vomiting
• Shaky hands, sweaty palms, feeling shaky, lightheadedness
• Bedwetting
• Trouble sleeping, nightmares
• Change in appetite
• Stuttering
• Frequent colds, fatigue

Emotional or Behavior Stress Signs

• New or reoccurring fears; anxiety and worries
• Trouble concentrating; frequent daydreaming
• Restlessness or irritability
• Social withdrawal, unwilling to participate in school or family activities
• Moodiness; sulking; or inability to control emotions
• Nail biting; hair twirling; thumb-sucking; fist clenching; feet tapping
• Acting out, anger, aggressive behaviors such as tantrums, disorderly conduct
• Regression or baby-like behaviors
• Excessive whining or crying
• Clinging, more dependent, won’t let you out of his sight

If you suspect stress could be the cause of these symptoms then look for triggers that you can reduce. For instance: if you suspect scary nightly news could be a trigger then a simple solution is to turn it off!. If you child has no time to relax, then cut one of those activities. If the fear of flunking a math class is causing too much stress, then consider getting a tutor and calling for a teacher conference to create a remedy.

For More Help

But don’t stop there! The key message from the APA study is that our kids must also learn healthy ways to replace that stress. Here are further resources:

• Stress Busters for Kids and Teens

• Kids Pick Up Parental Stress More Than We Know

• 7 Ways to Keep the Lid on Stress

• Teen Girls Get High to Reduce Stress

Turn to the chapter on STRESS in The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. You’ll find a complete section on research, more signs, stress triggers, and stress-reducers for preschoolers, school age children and tweens and teens. Choose the one strategy that you think will work best for your child. Whatever stress reducer you adopt, continue practicing the strategy together until your child can use the stress-reducer without you. At that point you’ll know your son or daughter has learned a life-long habit.

Dr. Michele Borba, Parenting Expert

For more parenting advice, follow me on twitter @MicheleBorba, go to my website, MicheleBorba or subscribe to my blog, Dr. Borba’s Reality Check. Ideas from this blog were from my book, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries