Well, the kids have arrived safe and sound. (Yes!) The turkey is baking in my oven. My husband is checking out the football schedule and I’m watching the big parade. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It’s far less stressful than Christmas (no presents, no fuss, phew). It’s just a wonderful day to enjoy one another’s company. But it’s also a time to reflect on what thanksgiving is all about. Besides being together I think it’s a time to realize how important the virtue of gratitude is to nurture in our children. I worry that over the years we’ve removed ourselves a bit as a society from the real meaning of Thanksgiving. We’re seeing an upsurge (even in a recession) of kids who are a bit too spoiled and a bit too unappreciative. 

Don’t get me wrong, of course we want our kids to be happy and give them what they want. But have you noticed that sometimes our best intentions backfire? Instead of our kids being grateful for what they are given, they are disappointed or always seem to want “more?” In all fairness, there are a number of factors that curtail our kids from being appreciative about the good things of life. For starters: a relentless consumption-driven media that pushes kid to think they need more; a fast-paced lifestyle that leaves little time to help kids count their blessings; the sometimes overwhelming impact of troubling news that focuses on the bad parts of life instead of helping kids appreciate the good. Or sometimes it’s our guilt for not being home enough, or competitive instincts that compel us to keep up with the Jones, so we lavish our kids with the latest and best of everything.

Whatever the cause, there is one crucial reason we must change for our kids’ sake. Compelling research now proves that the happiest children are the ones who feel a sense of appreciation for life—and that’s regardless of their wealth or personal circumstances.  Those studies show that because kids feel grateful they are actually more joyful, determined, optimistic, resilient, less stressed and even healthier. So if hope your child can achieve these traits (and what parent doesn’t) then you must replace any hint of an ungrateful attitude with gratitude. The good news is that there are also simple proven strategies to make that change happen for your child. And there is no better time than during the Thanksgiving holidays than to start that change by nurturing new habits. Here are a few simple and proven ways to do so from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions:

• Model gratitude. Kids learn gratitude by seeing others display appreciation in everyday, unplanned moments. How often do your kids see you convey your appreciation with hugs, words, or small notes to others? How often do you tell your kids how much you appreciate them? Tune up your attitude of gratitude so your kids are more likely to copy your examples.

• Set limits. Having too much squelches appreciation. So fight the tendency to overindulge your child with too many things. Always giving kids what they want does not help kids learn to be grateful and appreciative of what they have.

• Thank your kids. Don’t overlook your kids’ daily thoughtful deeds. Just be sure to tell them what they did that you appreciate so they are more likely to copy your example and send their own “appreciation messages” to others.  

• Expose your kids to the less fortunate. Face-to-face experiences can go a long way in helping kids appreciate their blessings. So find ways for you and your child to do charitable work (playing with kids in a homeless shelter, reading to the blind, building low-cost house, or delivering meals for the bed-ridden). 

• Make them say ‘Thank you.” Parents who raise grateful kids don’t do so by accident. They expect their kids to be appreciative and saying, “thank you” is required from the time their kids learn to talk. Keep in mind that kids may need constant reminders: “Did you remember to thank Jeff’s mom?” And don’t overlook their slips: “You can call to thank her when you get home.”

• Understand the emotion behind the gesture. A hard lesson for kids to learn is that they’re really thanking the person not for the gift but the thoughtfulness behind it. “Grandma thought a lot about what to give you this year.” “Kevin went to five stores to try to find what would make you happiest.” Keep reinforcing the thought that went into the purchase or the deed.

• Offer prayers of thanksgiving. Say a prayer of thanks together before meals. Some families take turns so that each night a different member leads the prayer. Or help your children “Count their Blessings” every night by just reviewing all the things they are grateful for. If you’re not doing this simple ritual, what better day to begin than now!

Happy Thanksgiving and all the best to your family. Enjoy the turkey and those mashed potatoes and your time together. Just don’t forget to pause and count your blessings together and review all the things –both big and little–you are grateful for.

On a personal note, this thanksgiving has to be our family’s absolute best. Our son is home and safe from a year of serving in Iraq. Believe me, there is nothing higher on our grateful scale than to see him sitting at our table this year.

To the other men and women serving in our forces and to their wives, husbands, parents, and children: bless you. Know you are in our family’s hearts and prayers. May you be safe and home soon!

 This article is an excerpt from The Big Book of Parenting  Solutions. For a complete guide to boosting your child’s  character refer to the chapters on Ungrateful, Spoiled and  Selfish, Bad Manners which offers signs to worry, research-  based strategies and proven solutions, as well as dozens of new  habits to teach your child to replace inappropriate ones. For  more information on my work refer to my website, Michele  Borba or follow me on twitter @MicheleBorba