Let’s face it: kids with pessimistic attitudes are among the most frustrating breeds. They give up easily, believe anything they do won’t make a difference, and assume they won’t succeed. Sadly, they rarely see the good, wonderful things of life. They dwell instead on the negative, bad parts, and often find only the inadequacies in themselves: “I’m so dumb, why study?” “Nobody’s going to like me, why bother?” (Beware: the trend is increasing: a child today is ten times more likely to be seriously depressed compared to a child born in the first third of this century.) So what’s a parent to do?

First, do know I empathize if you have one of these little critters. I know this is troubling stuff, and at times even heartbreaking. After all, one of the hardest parts of being a parent is when your child isn’t happy. But there is one point you must keep in mind:  Kids are not born pessimistic.

Research shows a large part of this attitude is learned along the way. So take heart: research at Penn State University concludes that parents can help their kids become more optimistic. Doing so will dramatically increases the likelihood of your son or daughter’s long-term happiness and school success, as well as emotional and physical health. So roll up your sleeves, and let’s get started. Here are solutions to help make a real difference on your child’s life by turning your son or daughter’s negative attitude into more a positive outlook.

1.    Eliminate the negatives you can. Start by doing what you can do:  Cut the sources that might be exacerbating your kid’s pessimism. Possibilities? Why not reduce the terrifying news on CNN; stop talking about the bad stuff on the front page; listen to your own negative talk and curb it; monitor the cynical musical lyrics your kid is hearing? Where once those tragic and terrifying world events seemed so far, far away or only printed words in the newspaper, they are now 24/7 on our TVs and Internet screens. So be more vigilant and turn off what you can control. Enough!

2.    Start nightly “Good News Reports:” Consciously stress a more optimistic outlook in your home so your child sees the good parts of life instead of just the downside. You might have each family member report something good that happened that day to him or her. The world is filled with examples of individuals who suffered enormous obstacles, but don’t cave into pessimistic thinking. Look for examples to share with your kids.

3.    Institute goodness reviews. Each night start a new ritual with your child of reviewing all the good parts about her day. Your child will go to sleep remembering the positives about life. If you do it often enough, it will become a routine that your child will do on her own

4.    Confront pessimistic thinking. Don’t let your child get trapped into “Stinkin’ Thinkin’. Help him tune into his pessimistic thoughts and learn to confront them. Here are a few solutions:

• Point out cynicism. Create a code–such as pulling on your ear or touching your elbow–that only you and your kid are aware. The code means he’s uttered a cynical comment.

• Tune into it. Encourage your kid to listen to his own cynical comments. Suggest an older kid wear a watch or bracelet, which helps remind her to tune into how often she is pessimistic. She can then “catch” that thinking and turn it around.

• Count negative thoughts. Help your kid count their pessimistic comments for a set time period: “For the next few minutes listen how many times you say downbeat things.” A young kid can count comments on his fingers. An older kid can use coins moving one from his left to right pocket.

5.    Balance pessimistic talk. One way to thwart your kid’s pessimistic thinking is by providing a more balanced perspective. If you use the strategy enough, your child will use it to help counter pessimistic talk. Here’s a few possibilities:

• Your child won’t go to her friend’s birthday thinking no one likes her. Offer a more balanced view: “If Sunny didn’t like you, you’d never have been invited.”

• Your kid blows her math test exclaiming that she’s stupid. You say:  “Nobody can be good at everything. You’re good in history and art. Meanwhile, let’s figure out how to improve your math.”

6.    Acknowledge a positive attitude. Do be on the alert for those times your child does utter optimism. If you’re not looking for the behavior, you may well miss those moments when your child is trying a new approach. “Kara, I know how difficult your spelling tests have been. But saying you think you’ll do better was being so optimistic. I’m sure you’ll do better because you’ve been studying so hard.”

Changing negative, pessimistic attitudes is not an easy task, but it is doable. Hang in there and you should see gradual change that could make a major difference on your child both now and later.  

Get more Parenting Solutions by following @MicheleBorba on Twitter.

Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming The Big Book of Parenting Solutions available this fall. Portions of this blog are excerpted from this book.