Last week I did a segment on the Today show “How to Have a Happy Holiday Without Spoiling the Kids.” I received so many emails from those of you who saw the spot, asking for more details of the bulleted points. I’m glad you enjoyed it - as usual, it sure was fun doing it. Here are the tips I offered (that were on the screen during the segment). Have a happy holiday!

* Set Gift Expectations. If you do decide to scale back a bit this year (on all the presents and the giving), do let your kids in on your plan. The “cold turkey” approach just isn’t quite fair (you know, “This year I’ve decided that we should give all your presents to charity.”) You might just have a family walk-out. Instead, let your family in on your intentions, and your hope that this year you’ll have more of an emphasis on the giving and less on the receiving.

* Gift Gift Guideless to Extended Family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and all need to be clear on your expectations. After all, the more we raise our kids “together” (or at least with the same values) the greater the likelihood that our kids will adopt our values. If grandparents are insistent on giving LOTS of presents still, encourage one of the presents be a “relationship builder” instead. For instance, maybe the grandparents can DO something with the grandkids -a movie outing, luncheon, trip, parkwalk - anything so the kids will remember the experience instead of the “stuff” received. You might also suggest that money be put into the child’s educational fund.

* Teach Prioritizing. If your child is asking for a number of things, tell him the limit. (Decide on what you think is fair for your family budget and values - ideally a number less than perhaps last year). To help your child decide, give him the same number of index cards (as your limit number), and ask him to draw or write on each card what he really wishes for most this year. Then he puts the cards in order of preference. You’ll instantly see what is the most important item he hopes for this year, and you’ll also be teaching him goal-setting (a most important life skills).

* Redirect Energy Towards Giving. Of course, the easiest way to focus more on giving and less on receiving is to refocus more on giving. Think of ways your family can become more charitable and GIVE.
–Take an extra batch of cookies to the neighbor next door.
–Clean out closests and create a special box of used toys and clothes to give to needy kids (rule - don’t give away anything you wouldn’t want your own child to wear or play with)
–Put aside part of your allowance and adopt a child overseas - for the year.

* Don’t Quit After the Holidays. Helping your child to be more charitable is a 24/7, 365 day a year enterprise. So happy holidays — but remember not to give up on helping your children understand the spirit of giving.

Michele Borba
www.micheleborba.com