Wednesday, December 8, 1999 Meredith's Guilt Trip: Bullies Guest: Dr. Michele Borba, author of Parents Do Make a Difference Click here to purchase this book. Meredith's latest guilt trip concerns two of her children being bullied at school. She believes her daughter, Lily, is being bullied because the boy likes her. But recently, her son Gabe started getting picked on while riding the school bus, and Meredith got angry at her oldest son, Ben, for doing nothing about it. How can she help remedy the situation? Dr. Borba says that bullying is a very big problem: Over 160,000 kids miss school every day because they're afraid of being harassed. It can be disastrous to a victim's self-esteem, and with kids carrying weapons these days, someone can get seriously hurt, she says. Meredith needs to listen to her children and figure out exactly what happened: Where and when did the teasing take place, and why are her children being picked on? More important, Meredith needs to find out how her kids are responding to the bully. Once she learns that, she can help them develop strategies to handle the bully more confidently. Dr. Borba has three bully-proofing strategies that everyone can apply to the bullies in their lives: 12-Step Breathing: Stay calm when confronted. Breathe in slow and deep, count to five, hold it for two seconds, then blow it out for another five seconds. Getting oxygen to the brain is the fastest way to calm down, says Dr. Borba. Ignore the Bully: Don't look upset when confronted, because that's what the bully wants. Assert Yourself: Look confident and hold your head high. Look the bully in the eye and speak with a strong voice. Question the bully: "Why would you say that?" Then turn and walk away. Agree with the bully's insult, because it will catch him or her off guard and stop the behavior. Don't expect these techniques to work instantly, says Dr. Borba. You must rehearse them until enough confidence is gained to try them with the bully.