Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally-recognized consultant on increasing children’s self-esteem and achievement and is the author of 24 publications including Parents Do Make A Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts. A former classroom teacher and parent of three sons, she has presented keynotes and workshops to over half a million participants worldwide and is a frequent guest on radio and television talk shows.
© 1999 by Michele Borba. Adapted from Parents Do Make A Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts. Jossey-Bass Publishers, 350 Sansome Street, San Francisco, CA 94104. 1999. $18.00 paperback, 320 pages. ISBN 0-7879-4605-2 Please contact for permission to reprint.
Foreword by Jack Canfield
"What you have in your hands is the instruction manual on how to raise a decent, successful human being. It is a veritable treasure chest of ways to make your love for your children come alive so that you can help them learn to love themselves, realize their potential, get along and empathize with others, communicate effectively, solve problems, go for their most cherished dreams, and lead more successful and fulfilled lives. The fact is, this may well be the only book you will ever need on raising great children.
Michele Borba has gathered together some of the finest ideas and activities ever collected in one volume for parents. You will find evaluation lists that will help you identify your child's skill strengths and weaknesses, dozens of quick parenting tips, simple steps that show you how to develop each success skill, and scores of practical activities you can use to teach your child the eight skills that matter most in success. And she pulls it all together with a solid structure based on research. You'll have enough ideas to keep you busy for years!
My only recommendation: Use this book! Keep it by your bedside and refer to it constantly. Consistently using the ideas Michele suggests will help your kids lead more successful lives not only now but also for the rest of their lives. And what a difference you will make!"
--From the foreword by Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul®
Chapter 1. Success Skill 1: Positive Self-Esteem
Helping your child develop solid positive self-beliefs and an "I can do it" attitude so that she feels capable of succeeding. You'll learn how to:
- Set expectations that stretch your child's capabilities without snapping confidence.
- Make your encouragement more enhancing to your child's self-esteem.
- Give your child evidence of succeess so that she can develop an "I can" attitude.
- Help your child develop a positive inner dialogue and reduce negative self-talk habits.
- Use positive discipline practices that change misbehavior and protecting self-esteem.
- Turn negative labels into more positive, affirming ones that nurture positive images.
Chapter 2. Success Skill 2: Cultivating Strengths
Enhancing your child's awareness of his special talents and strengths so that he develops pride in his individuality and increases his personal potential. You'll learn how to:
- Pinpoint your child's already existing positive qualities and areas of excellence.
- Increase your child's self-confidence by helping him recognize his special strengths.
- Expand your child's potential by using talent-building practices to develop strengths.
- Give effective praise that not only enhances your child's self-esteem.
Chapter 3. Success Skill 3: Communicating
Helping your child listen attentively, speak up, and get her message across to increase knowledge and reduce misunderstandings. You'll learn how to:
- Keep the line of communication open between you and your child.
- Enhance her social competence by helping her read other people's nonverbal language.
- Establish family meetings help your child practice communication skills.
- Improve your child's listening skills.
- Teach your child beginning note-taking skills and learn how to write down key facts.
- Help your child learn to communicate peacefully by using "I messages."
Chapter 4. Success Skill 4: Problem Solving
Teaching your child how to calmly find the best solutions and make responsible decisions. You'll learn how to teach your child:
- Strategies to calm down so he can deal more coolly with difficulties.
- Learn how to identify his problems.
- Learn the rules of brainstorming so he can think of many solutions.
- Think through possible decision outcomes and narrow choices.
- Enhance his awareness that problems don't need to stop him from succeess.
Chapter 5. Success Skill 5: Getting Along
Enhancing your child's friendship-making skills and helping her deal with stormy relationships. You'll learn how to:
- Identify potential friendship-making problems and correct them.
- Teach your child any social skill she lacks to increase her social competence.
- Teach your child how to join groups and make new friends.
- Enhance your child's social etiquette by nurturing common courtesy and manners.
- Learn ways to help your child respond effectively to meanness, bullying and teasing.
- Teach your child ways to encourage others and the rules of good sportsmanship.
Chapter 6. Success Skill 6: Goal Setting
Helping your child learn to target what he wants to achieve and to set the steps to succeed. You'll learn how to help your child:
- Develop a clearer understanding of what he needs to do to succeed.
- Increase his awareness of the benefits of goal-setting.
- Learn a simple goal-setting formula so he use it on his own.
- Expand his time management skills.
- Enhance her planning skills by teaching how to prioritize.
Chapter 7. Success Skill 7: Not Giving Up!
Guiding your child to completing what she starts even though it may be difficult. You'll learn how to help your child:
- Cope with mistakes and see them not as signs of failure but learning opportunities.
- Realize that success depends on how much personal effort she is willing to make.
- Learn affirmations to say to herself to rebound from defeat and rebuild her confidence.
- Respond noncritically when your child fails so that she'll be more willing to try again.
Chapter 8. Success Skill 8: Caring
Enhancing your child's compassion and sensitivity toward others' feelings and needs. You'll learn how to:
- Convey to your child how much your value the trait of caring.
- Ways to tune up caring behaviors at home and become a model of compassion.
- Sensitize your child to the feelings and of others.
- Help your child recognize the positive effect caring behavior can have.
- Use techniques that help your child understand the consequences of his uncaring behaviors on other people's feelings.
- Expand your child's empathy.
Final Thoughts and References
