Palm Springs, CA -- Does your child have a problem making friends? Research has shown that children with chronic friendship difficulties are prone to have poor self-esteem and become low achievers. as adolescents that frequently have drug and alcohol problems and are more likely to drop out of school. As adults they have problems in relationships. How can you nip this problem early on?
Dr. Michele Borba, an internationally recognized consultant in strengthening children’s self-esteem, achievement and motivation, addresses this and literally thousands of other parenting
challenges in her new book, Parents DO Make a Difference: How to Raise Kids With Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts, (Jossey -Bass Publishers, June 1999, ISBN #0-7879-4605-2, 800-956-7739). Borba uses her extensive background in children’s self-esteem and her 20 plus years of training and research to offer parents an incredibly thorough guide on raising children with strong character, high self-esteem and superb confidence and communication skills.
If your child is having problems making friends, there are parenting strategies that can help. Borba suggests the following:
1. Arrange one-on-one play opportunities. This is a time when your child invites only one child over for a couple of private play hours to get to know one another and practice friendship-making skills. Provide snacks and then try to keep interruptions to a minimum: siblings should not be included, and television should not be a play option.
2. Match your child’s interests with group activities. Provide opportunities for your child to find friends who share common interests, styles and values. The trick is to match your child’s strengths with the same kind of group activities that nurture his interests. If your child’s strength is singing, you might look for a choir for him to join. If soccer is her passion, find her a soccer team to join. You’ll be enhancing not only your child’s natural talents but also his social skills.
3. Provide interactive toys. Some toys lend themselves to interactive play and can be great icebreakers to start kids talking. The UCLA Social Skills Training Program notes that the best interactive toys are ones that require at least two people to use have simple rules, inexpensive, don’t encourage aggression, and are fun by kids’ standards. Board games, marbles, ball games, pretend figures, and dolls are appropriate.
4. Teach conversation openers. Make a list with your child of easy conversation openers he can use: what he could say to someone he already knows, an adult he hasn’t met, a friend he hasn’t seen in a while, a brand-new student at school, or a child he would like to play with on the playground. Keep in mind that kids rarely start conversations with other children by shaking hands and issuing formal introductions. The more common approach is just to walk up and say, "Hi, I’m (name). Can I play?" "Is it OK if I play, too?" or "Do you need another guy on your team?" You need to write down ideas for conversation starters and take turns rehearsing them together until your child feels comfortable trying them on his own.
Borba also recommends that if your child is shy, try pairing him with a younger or less skilled child. This helps reticent kids practice learning new social skills. Your child will feel much more confident practicing any new skills with someone less skilled than himself. A younger sibling, cousin, neighbor, or even one of your friend’s younger children is always a safer partner than a more self-assured, skilled, older child.
PARENTS DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE:
How to Raise Kids With Solid Character, Strong Minds and Caring Hearts
by Michele Borba
Jossey-Bass Publishers: June 1999
Price: $18.00 Paperback original
246 pages, ISBN #0-7879-4605-2
www.micheleborba.com
Jossey-Bass is a division of Simon & Schuster, the world’s largest English-language book publisher. Simon & Schuster is the publishing operation of Viacom Inc., a global leader in publishing and entertainment.
